Richard's Ramblings

Random Ramblings

 

By Richard Zowie

Times Guardian

 

What's been going on in the world lately? I'm so glad you asked. Read on:

Rambling One: Illinois Republicans tried unsuccessfully to enlist former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka to run for the U.S. Senate. It shows how desperate Republicans are to replace former candidate Jack Ryan, who resigned amid unsealed allegations from his ex-wife, actress Jeri Ryan (the former Star Trek: Voyager star accused her husband in divorce papers of wanting her to have sex with him publicly, a charge he denied).

Though Ditka is popular in Illinois and is active in Republican causes, according to the Washington Times (a conservative newspaper), he is apparently not even registered to vote in Illinois-at least not in Chicago. He announced July 14 that he wouldn't run, and it's only fitting. Isn't it contradictory to represent a state in Congress when you're not even a voter from there?

Rambling Two: The official story on the rehab stint of actress Mary-Kate Olsen is that she is suffering from an eating disorder. The National Enquirer and the Star, though, reported the real reason for Olsen's rehabilitation is for cocaine addiction. After Olsen's people threatened to sue the tabloids for alleged slander, a spokesperson for American Media (which publishes both tabloids) said they extensively double-checked their sources and facts and were sticking to their stories. So far, Olsen's people have been mum about what will happen next.

If the allegations are true, it will remind me of when former Russian President Boris Yeltsin was hospitalized with a sore throat. Later, his spokesperson admitted Yeltsin had actually suffered a heart attack...

Rambling Three: At a recent fundraiser for Democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry, actress Whoopi Goldberg used President Bush's surname in a sexual innuendo and was subsequently dropped as spokesperson for Slim·Fast®. She then blamed Republicans in part for her dismissal, saying she had a right to free speech.

Hmmm, let's see...golfer Fuzzy Zoeller was dismissed as a K-Mart spokesperson after his racially-insensitive comments about Tiger Woods made news...Kobe Bryant lost endorsement deals with McDonald's and Sprite in the wake of rape allegations...Burt Reynolds was dropped as spokesperson for Florida orange juice shortly after news of his bitter divorce from actress Loni Anderson made news.

Slim·Fast®'s ultimate purpose-as is that of all businesses-is to make money. When you as a spokesperson make a public comment that is vulgar and/or deemed bad for business, the company reserves the right to contractually disassociate itself from you. Nice try for sympathy, Whoopi, but I don't buy it...

Rambling Predictions: ...Houston Astros first baseman Jeff Bagwell will retire after this season due to persistent shoulder injuries that may never totally heal...

...Mel Gibson's film The Passion of the Christ will receive a collective Oscar Snub at the 77th Annual Academy Awards. If he's lucky, the film might receive a Best Makeup nomination. Look for director Martin Scorcese to receive pity Oscars for Best Director and Best Picture for his upcoming film The Aviator, a biopic about the enigmatic Howard Hughes. Scorcese has been passed over for Oscars many times, and many think he's overdue...

...President Bush will get reelected, but it won't be a landslide. I see it going around 55-45 for Bush. The economy's picking up, and ultimately that is what will matter...

...Republicans will lobby former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani to be on the 2008 Republican Presidential ticket in an attempt to win New York's coveted electoral votes. Giuliani's a liberal Republican (he supports gay rights and abortion), so he could be a running mate to a conservative...

...Unless Democrat John Kerry wins in November (which I seriously doubt) and unless some major scandal happens to her, here's your 2008 Democratic Presidential candidate: Hillary Rodham Clinton...

...If you're a Martha Stewart fan, don't fret. She will someday receive a pardon.

 

Richard Zowie is a reporter and columnist for the Times Guardian. Send comments to news@timesguardian.com and include your phone number if you want your comments published.

     
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